AUGUST 2020
This collection explores a past life in which my love for music drove a failed pursuit for a career in the recording industry. Eric Sherman, a guitarist and former music collaborator, is the model in these photos.
The moment I produced my first instrumental, I was obsessed. I didn't want to let go of it... At the time, I was adjusting to life in the US, and I finally made friends who seemed to share this obsession...For once, I didn't feel so alone.
I slept best after creating a new instrumental, or discovering a beautifully crafted song. Perhaps I found comfort in abstract expression, and hearing other artists express their emotions. I felt a little better about myself; A good foundation for a peaceful rest.
For a few days during the Great Recession, the electricity was cut off; Mother had a hard time paying the bills, and I had a hard time studying...Fortunately, I had some battery power on my iPod. So, I danced myself into a trance as I listened to Michael Jackson's song "Off The Wall". I escaped into my own world, one catered to my sense of comfort...The small candles used to light that dark, cold house felt like bonfires of hope.
Helplessly, I fell for the rapture of my favourite melodies as they electrified nerve endings, coursing the groove through my body...I became addicted to my own creations, and to the ones that inspired me. The more I was immersed in this apex of euphoria, the more I became tethered to this escapist reality
At some point, the creation of it became stifling, insufferable even. Progress was at a snail's pace, and I didn't know how to deal with creative walls. Sometimes I would question if I was, at all, a creative... I didn't want to give up, but I didn't know what I was fighting for.
Failure, collaborators, and empty fulfillment all made me furious, timid, and insecure. I spent so much time on something that didn't materialize. I didn't like the state of myself... I fell from one purgatorial place to another; I wanted to create but didn't trust my creative impulses. A painful feeling; Self-inflicted arson committed by a fiery soul.